Girl in a Woman

All of this began when I completed my twelfth with some obnoxious flying colors, I mean when someone from HS State board calls at your home on result day that too when that day was your birthday; it has to be obnoxiously stupendous. I was sleeping around 11 am (usual considering that’s how I sleep and always have) and told my mother this good news. Mother went berserk, pushed me so hard, fell from the bed with drool coming out of my mouth, still clutching the rose that Hugh Jalckman was giving me in the dreams and woke up with a start! So that was all 12 years back in 1999 when I accidently made my parents very proud and they decided they need to raise me as their son instead of daughter.

In Indian scenario that means give ample freedom of choice to your daughter to choose whatever she wants to do in her career, kick her out of the house to the “real” world and raise her as a “son” which they never had and check her guts whether she survives the wolves of the world to be a “son”.

My journey as a girl ended then and there. Bags were packed and I was made to go and fend myself in an hostel run by ex-army men ( so much for freedom and ancillary joys) and got admitted in Guwahati Commerce College by invitation ( tests were for lesser mortals who didn’t get ranks , thereby getting all the joys of not being burdened). I was dumped unceremoniously by my mom in an alien world where girls were from so called rich parents who already knew how to put makeup and which-pack-on-what-type of skin. And there I was specky, bob haired, only girl with 2 trunks of books (one had only novels- kind of consolation gift from parting mom) and no pair of jeans. While having my first dinner with those girls, womanhood slowly crept in my girl soul and I was thinking may be I am a nerd, but am I a woman? Certainly, even local Guwahati model would snicker their nose looking at me. I realized that getting good grades was all that glorious for a girl but is that a parameter to be a complete woman? No. So I decided to be the next Raymond Complete woman by mentally taking a couple of girls as my mentor to womanhood.

Couple of months passed.

My dresser has substantial make up stuff, specs were replaced by contacts and I was practicing daily with high heels on from Sumiba in the hostel to get the grace in which woman walked. My knowledge on getting-attention-from-dumb-guys had increased by leaps and bounds by profound knowledge sharing sessions amongst our group. We all learnt how to judge a man from his wallet to his shoes and also by his perfume. I understood men dont like hairy faced girls or they prefer girls with good ass and some other vital parts. Lessons were delivered and notes fervently exchanged on keeping the opposite sex on harness. I learnt to paint my toes red ( do guys even notice that?) and knowledge on Kamasutra increased by exponential degrees from intersting lecture sessions in post midnight lights out discussions. All of us were geared up for being the next diva and our pocket money would go in buying that next figure hugging  jeans or tops. The idea was to look seductive and not provocative and to maintain that thin line , you really need to gobble all "Cosmopolitans" and "Feminas".Did that work? Guess yes, cause at first six months, I had respect amongst my friends in college. Boys treated me as a geek and a girl-with-good-notes type  earlier , but later, I got their admiration. My mom visited me and borrowed my multani meetii pack and gave me some more insight into the worlds of style. She was pleased nevertheless.I was like a sponge absorbing everything. Slowly I guess I understood why earlier - I was the odd girl in the group who had maximum boys as friends but never got those perfumed letter which made my back bencher friends fly with some really rainbow colors where my world was just black and white ( books and me 'course).

Couple of years passed.

Here I am. Corporate manager. Know exactly how to be groomed and well dressed and everything. Got lots of bouquets and besotted emails in the process of becoming woman. Parents accepted this woman as their befitted son who made them proud always. I have paid for my parents vacations, kept them in best of the glitzy hotels and made investments and geared up some dough for the rainy days as well.

Have I become a woman?
In a recent few surveys with few so called enlightened modern India men, I realized I am still to be the perfect woman. I might have learned how to flutter and bat my eyelashes, might have got promotions and good pay, but I didn’t have the necessity skills to be the perfect woman. What are they if you would ask? First I don’t know how to cook that well (khichdi, daal, paratha, pulao, tea are not considered). Secondly I don’t know how will I ever be an obedient gf/wife as my mind still thinks I have a rationale mind and opinion of my own. So do men still prefer a woman like me? No. They prefer a woman (super woman) who gets up early, cooks for everyone, goes to office, handles escalations, juggle multi-client project, gets appreciation emails, wears click click high heels and comes back home, cook again, iron clothes, serve food, wear nice clothes, be seductive all the time like Katrina Kaif, regardless of heat/winter/load shedding/oily hair) and that’s what is perfect woman. Also the would be in-laws would expect you to cook for the entire family and guys would say “my mom does so she should do” regardless of comparing the mental stress and strain she might be having at office (which I am sure is no less than any “son”).

Today.

I understood I will remain a woman regardless of the fact whether I meet those social standards or not. For someone I will be a perfect woman who can contribute to his any discussion under the sky , right from which processor goes inside which laptop/mobile, which car has what cc to how much foreign or stock prices will affect the economy. Can I cook yes, I can. Kaam chalau. But now I have realized being woman is not about this. I can hire a maid and pay her good to do this work. I can still go to painting class and gym and parlor and manage my house well. I may not be the woman of dreams but certainly would be in the eyes of a man who respects woman for her substance and values more than her inches and waxed limbs.

Sllurrrp ! I love my chocolate and cartoons. Big sucker for Harry potters and Roald Dahl. Love to have an ice-cream when I am down. I still would make woof – woof sound with my dog and roll with her on the floor and give a damn if have put smelly ayurvedic oil in my hair. I would still read Twilight and Tintin and would still secretly admire Jensen Ackles as the GOD amongst good-looking men. I would still fight with my sis on the chocolate and fight on the new nail polish. I would admire Victoria’s secret but also would never give up my flannel nighties. This woman I guess will always have a 6 year old girl in her heart. Who cares if she isn’t the perfect one?

PS: In my opinion one who possess more than 50 shoes with 4 inches heel should automatically levitate to perfect woman status cause of the drool factor! Shoe crazy ladies will agree I suppose.

Everlasting

He lifts her up in his arm and softly look into her eyes- “Where you keep going? I seem to lose you every now and then.”She smiles and says –“How can you lose me , when I am here with you?’.

He takes her in, lays her in the bed and caresses her face. The look on his face is contemplative, tender and his touch as if he is touching the most fragile porcelain in the world. He looks at every details of her face, touching her , holding her close as if never to let her go. He whispers –“I love you and will always”. She starts giggling and tries to run away. Her chatter disconcerts his thoughts. His love was deep and profound . Hers was ethereal and easy. She keeps chatting away until he says “you talk too much and kisses her to shut up”. That moment, time stood still to honor their love. “Promise me, you wont go away, promise me , you wont leave me?” – he asks. She looks soft and sad – “ I kept our promise. we took marriage vows to honor and love till death do us apart. I have gone beyond that to be with you, for my longing for you , knows no bound. I will exist as long as you exist. Till our souls drift into time, my love will always be for you, only you.” He closes his eye holding her close.
Next morning , he wakes up, looks at the photograph of his wife, smiling at him, love shining on her face, and puts on the wedding ring.
Its been a year since she died.Time to face another day.

The Game

Sometimes, I wonder if world would have been a better place if there were no religion. I wonder if Allah is any different than any God, whether sense of justice within him would be any different than us.
The match of India Pakistan reached unfathomable heights because of multiple dynamics of emotions between the two country. I read in a post - Allah will help Pakistan win . I wondered if Allah wont help Zaheer Khan or the Pathan brothers then !
Indians wanted vindication in this match. A few said , if not war , we would win this match. How I wonder those victims of Taj would get even this iota of peace by winning a match? I am not propagating war here but why have we kept Kasab alive? What did we do about 26/11?Or our memory is so feeble that we would want sweep that under the carpet and pretend nothing is wrong?
I used to be an idealist and prayed for peace between the two countries. Now I wonder if that will be ever the case. With enmity as high as these , one will kill the other in the long run.In the mean time, Pakistan is in chaos due to all civil wars within their communities. My heart goes out to the common people who faced the brunt.
Nothing is going to come out by campaigns. This issue has fallen into a vicious trap of religion, politics and emotions. Not sure within this lifetime, this will be sorted.
Till then, my prayers are with our brave soldiers in the border and their families who not know why lives of them are at stake. What farce is peace talks when fires are being shelled every now and then we losing our brothers in the border? They came , killed a few hundreds of us within the hub of our financial capital in the most prestigious hotel. Contrasted to this audacity , we are content that we won that match!

Avatar - 3 idiots-Veer - Facets of Cinema in India

I went gaga over Avatar. For me that was an over-whelming experience. In fact , so much so I was immersed in the visual extravaganza of Pandora , that I was actually depressed when the movie ended and I was back to the deary seats of Inox on Earth. How I wish I was a part of Pandora and not Earth ! I spent more than thousand bucks to watch this movie three times. couldn't get over it, may be I can watch it again.I salute the director who has so much of imagination, vision and ability to pull off such a movie. This was a movie for the masses as everyone loved it.With its incredibly stunning visuals and compelling story line, James Cameron's "Avatar" is memorable and meaningful. It's so much more than a film that looks cool with a 3-D treatment.It's one of the most expensive movies ever made, and it shows in every frame, with incredible CGI work, awe-inspiring landscapes and unforgettable flora and fauna of Pandora.

" Let’s start by talking about the CGI. We’ve seen other movies where entire characters were created by computers using the “motion capture” process. In this process, an actor plays a role on a soundstage so that computer sensors can record all their body/facial movements, which are then used to animate the characters in a lifelike manner. Sometimes that looks pretty good (Gollum in The Lord of the Rings) and other times the characters have a bizarre dead-in-the-eyes look (The Polar Express). Avatar doesn’t have this problem. All of the Na’vi are computer rendered, but they have actual emotion and give the illusion of being fully alive. There were times when I forgot I was watching something that is essentially animated and subconsciously thought I was watching actors in suits and make-up. These are by far the most convincing CGI characters ever committed to film.

The action scenes on Pandora (also totally CGI) are really breathtaking. The Na’vi ride on large, colorful dragon-like creatures who eventually do war with military helicopters. Other movies with similar creatures (i.e. Eragon) have always looked fakey to me; these are totally believable within the confines of this fantasy world. Pandora itself has also been beautifully designed. It’s an exotic kind of dream-jungle world, with floating mountains and all sorts of strange flora and fauna. Everything is so fully conceptualized that it’s not difficult to mentally transport yourself to this extraordinary place."

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/avatar/?page=3&critic=columns&sortby=date&name_order=asc&view=#contentReviews

Now coming to our Movie of 2009 from Bollywood - 3 idiots. Completely watchable, delivers a strong social message, very very funny and again transports us back to our college days. There is no technology brilliance here, sheer good direction, script and story. Though the autocracy of the directors cannot be forgiven for not mentioning Chetan Bhagat's name , based on whose novel the movie is made, the movie managed to hold on for a brilliant screenplay. Now thats a pure Indian Cinema shunned of technical intricacies and mind boggling effects , but we enjoyed nevertheless, as the characters and the plot touched our heart.

While we discussed the best of the movies we saw in 2009, I am actually scratching my head , is even a movie like VEER worth mentioning here? This movie is supposed to be based in the era of 1857 or before and I mean the hero was wearing orange jeans and fluff half jackets, the herione was wearing shocking pink nailpolish, the garish dialogue and the overdose of screaming , it was such a pity to even see a movie made out of bollywood of this standard when we audience have a standard of movies in our mind which is getting used to see movies like Avatar, 3 idiots, Black, Paa and even marathi movies like shwaas which manages to enthrall our mind and bless our souls as avid movie-goers. I mean you can have a look the image of veer and try to imagine this attire in 1850s in India. Why such inattention to details? Why make a period movie if you cant even manage the costumes and visuals? Why torture us?

Bless James Cameron, Peter Jackson ( Lord of the Rings) , Guy Ritchie ( Sherlock Holmes), Michel Bay ( Transformers and many more) and our own Rajkumar Hirani, Vishal Bhardwaj,Shimit Amin, Guru Dutt, Raj Kapoor and many more who make our cinema , truly cinema !

Aman ki Asha !

Love Pakistan- Aman ki Asha - thats how we started 2010 when TOI arrived in the morning !

I am happy but quite apprehensive about Aman ki Asha project by Times of India. My mind in is true turmoil. In one hand my mind boils over the dead of 26/11 and many other blows which India faced from Pakistan and one hand marvels at the idea of peace between the countries. Now love has always preceded and won over hate and yes, I would also love to see the two countries united.

But my apprehension is - will it be successful? When there are political pressure on cricket , so much so that Pakistani players are not even bidded for in IPL and hasn't played with India for quite some time now, how far these cultural drama will cement the pit boil of hate for over 60 years?

Are we truly ready to forgive and forget and move on? How many of us want to see Pakistan defeated by India and how many of us want to see both the countries shaking hand ? Indeed, if Pakistan and India comes together, then a major political force will created which will have the potential to thwart USA monopoly in the world. And probably thats why US will keep supplying F-16s to Pakistan and fail to capture the worlds most wanted man in spite of boasting of CIA !After all if India and Pakistan becomes friends , who will buy their ammunition?

There has been many people-to-people initiatives in the past and each one of them has been a futile effort. I do not blame me for pessimistic now as we are many times bitten and many times shy.

India has been patient with Pakistan for a long time. I also understand that its the terrorists and not the country who has blown India multiple times. But seeing Pakistan's inner turmoil and shaking's, I but wonder , are they getting a taste of their own medicine?

We could have been in best of terms, we speak the same language, eat same chicken tikka, wear same kind of clothes and have very similar culture and thousands of families spread across India and Pakistan.

I loved the front page of TOI, but also want to know whether the first page of the Jang newspaper read LOVE HINDUSTAN on its first page to be analytical and unbiased.

New Government - set expectations is bare minimum - provide us with security of being alive

The elections are over. We have our own government now. The UPA government. One can sit and think hard why BJP failed and Congress won. But this was expected keeping in view the recent turmoils in economy, socio-economy and insecurity amongst the population of India. The political Goverment of India has been trying to do something for us. But what exactly is intheir mind and when will it come to being into existence is yet to be seen.

The politicians, are hungry for power, and they have always adopted divisive policies to divide the majority community along caste and class lines, while at the same time, they concentrated on capturing the minority vote banks in bulk by cajoling their religious heads, whose directions are religiously followed and obeyed by the community. The successive pseudo-secular governments started suppressing the rights of the majority community, while giving undue privileges to the minorities. These governments allowed the minority communities to have separate personal and civil laws instead of ensuring a Uniform Civil Code despite directions from the Supreme Court based on Article 44 of the Constitution. The official machinery remained as mute spectator when the minority community took the law into its hands for protesting against the incidents, which happened even outside the country like ’ invasion of Iraq, hanging of Saddam Hussein, Bangladeshi author Taslima Nasrin’s book’s release and her stay in India, etc.

With the advent of the United Progressive Alliance (UPA) government, an opportunistic alliance of minority appeasing pseudo-secular parties and Islamic terrorism has increased manifold. The situation has gone beyond control to such an extent that the ’jihadis’ have started striking at will in trains, buses, markets, malls, temples, mosques, theatres and even courts.

The annual report of the Union home ministry has confirmed the involvement of Pakistan in most of the terror attacks, which have happened on our soil. It is reported that the Pak based terror organisations like Lashkar-e-Toiba (LeT) and Jaish-e-Mohammed (JeM) have been active from across the border and have been involved in major attacks. Also, the Bangladesh based organisation Harkat-ul-Jihad-al-Islami’s (HuJI) involvement has been on the increase, it is said. All these organisations have been sending well-trained militants to set up ’sleeper cells’ and to ensure connectivity with one another by forming a network of sorts.

The home ministry’s report claims that the government has banned 32 groups as terrorist organisations under the provisions of Unlawful Activities (Prevention) Act, as part of its counter measures. The report has waxed eloquent on the government’s multi-pronged approach and strategy for countering the activities of Pakistan’s ISI and other terror outfits.

It claims that the Centre has increased strengthening of coastal security network, deployed para military forces in sensitive areas, heightened the vigil in and around vital installations and enhanced the communication network of intelligence agencies and sharing of intelligence between Centre and states through well coordinated efforts.

But the ground reality is totally contradicting the claims made by the ministry. In fact, the terrorists are active and effectively executing their attacks in Congress and Left ruled states like Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh, Assam, West Bengal and Kerala, which goes to prove that the areas of appeasement are more prone to attack.

The new argument by certain new founded double speaking intellectuals, Pseudo Secularists and certain chronically politically biased English Media especially the TV channels based in New Delhi arguing that poverty and minority oppression by the so called “Hindu Majority” is the root cause of the terrorism in India.

Being a fellow citizen of this country, I find these arguments. baseless It is again just escapism to put the blame always on Hindu Majority. India remains one of the poorest countries in the world today.750 Million people are in utter poverty in this country. Does it mean that all of them are terrorists or they think adapting to terrorism can take away their poverty??

As regards the ‘phenomenal Hindustan specific’ Minority oppression, Look at Pakistan, A purely Islamic nation, today that country is flooded with terrorists and extremists. Bombs are exploded there and human lives are being lost everyday. Is it because of poverty? Is it because of so called ‘Minority oppression’ there? People should think about it.

Pakistan initiated the terrorism for political bargaining and they will end with it because it is now out of any one’s control. “Those who live with Sword would die with it” or else they have to understand themselves what went wrong and rectify those mistakes though the extremism there at its peak and deep rooted.

Contradictory, being purely a religious nation Malaysia is a good exemption why because the prosperity in that country and there development and national integrity comes first not the crooked politics. The root cause of this terrorism is the dirty politics being played in respective countries for personal gains by certain section of politicians and their operational colleagues the religious-fundamentalists. The common men do not understand that it is just the family of politicians (It is called Dynasty politics) and their loyalists only gain by these kind of pseudo-secular agenda. This is a front-end & Back-end process. Front-end they create false agenda, then push the people to fight each other and shed tears for that cause, back-end they make use of such situation by harnessing votes of the victims, once back in power they forget them. The common men must understand it is not you their concern but how to retain power is the concern.

Terrorism- Code decoded

Dear Readers,

I am trying to simplify and make a coherent understanding of Terrorism. I wanted to know what guides them, motivates them, pushes them so much that they become vehement killers. I wanted to understand the psyche and morale of these human killers in the disguise of human.

Rebels, insurgents, paramilitaries, separatists, militants, guerrillas, insurrectionists, fundamentalists... are these all terrorists? Or does terrorism claim its own exclusive niche? The exasperating inability to define terrorism is betrayed in the UN 2006 Global Counter-Terrorism Strategy - "we, the States Members of the United Nations...strongly condemn terrorism in all its forms and manifestations, committed by whomever, wherever and for whatever purposes".

The vocabulary of terrorism has become the successor to that of anarchy and communism as the catch-all label of opprobrium, exploited accordingly by media and politicians.

The difficulty in constructing a definition which eliminates any just cause for terrorism is that history provides too many examples of organization and their leaders branded as terrorists . This has applied particularly to national liberation movements fighting colonial or oppressive regimes, engaging in violence within their own countries often as a last resort.

Bomb attacks on the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania in 1998 followed by the 9/11 tragedy in 2001 marked the renationalisation of terror in which a populist and possibly negotiable cause within the nation state becomes subservient to principled grievances against the world order, communicated through the tools of globalization led by the internet. Both attacks in Africa were traced to the group headed by Osama bin Laden known as al-Qaeda. Its ideology is shaped by the belief that Islam is being degraded and humiliated by "western" values, with particular disgust reserved for those Arab countries, such as Saudi Arabia and Egypt, which are close allies of the US. The plight of the Palestinians is a rallying call for al-Qaeda whose central goal is to expel Americans from Muslim lands and dismantle pro-US Middle Eastern governments. To this end all US citizens and their sympathizers are to be killed, regardless of whether or not they are Muslim.

This extreme form of fundamentalist Sunni Islam adopted by bin Laden and his closest associates is often described as jihadism and is believed to have been inspired by an Egyptian radical, Sayyid Qutb, who opposed the Nasser regime. Fighting alongside the conservative Taliban in Afghanistan may have been a further influence on bin Laden. The manic ideology of al-Qaeda has no roots in mainstream Islam which shares core values of peace and tolerance with the world's major religions. The Koran teaches that the killing of innocent humans is a crime and that suicide is unacceptable.

Attempts have been made to construct psychological profiles with proven susceptibility to indoctrination. In Islamic countries such interest focuses on the sense of political impotence created by inadequate democracy and corrupt governance. In Europe, there are suggestions that young Muslims from immigrant families suffer identity problems in reconciling differences between western lifestyles and their upbringing. As yet these theories remain in the realms of speculation. Likewise, media tendencies to brand Pakistan as a source of world terror have been countered by a remarkable petition “Say no to Terrorism” which has been signed by over 60 million people in the country, more than the number of voters in the recent election.